Dec 4, 2016

YouTuber, The life of freedom?! busy as Shi...nkansen!

If the picture were to have a bubble above it with text, it would say....I slept 2 hours, ate 3 dinners at breakfast and now I have to eat these two fish and pretend I am not full and enjoying my life.

So, YouTuber. Lots of people think its a fun life of freedom!!! After all, you are your own boss. You sit there. At your computer right? Just film a lil video and bamb!!!!

Sorry pal, that was a YouTuber's job 6+ years ago.

The industry has changed, and it just keeps getting on more compeditive and hard. The standards for our film production increases with time and with our audience size.

Back in the day, you could upload a shaky video from a cell phone camera, or heck, not even a video but just a bunch of pictures and text.....remember those?

Now you would think the demand stops at a nice 1000$ 4K Camera? nope.
Cause the list of stuff I need to buy just keeps piling up. Lights, more camera stands, a different zoom lense, waterproof camera, new mic, mic receiver....yet another new camera, drone? helecopter? space station!!!

okay maybe I got a little carried away.

Anyway, I remember back in the day I used to make 5 min movies and it only took 10 mins or less. No subs, no editing, just cut out the crap and its done. And it got views. Many many views. Original housewife in Japan had hundereds of thousands of views. But now, you need hours of editing. And what used to take only 1 hour...started taking 2....then 4.....12....

I used to be able to edit 4 videos in 1 day. Now I can hardly find the time for 1....

My job has become a love hate relationship.
I LOVE filming, I hate editing.
I used to upload a video every 2 days. This year, I have uploaded 10x less than I did the year before.

I realized the reason for this is because I am constantly working at my restaurant. But I can't quit. I like working there. But what ends up happening, when I lessen my shifts and take time off work. I am so tired, I just end up sitting at home doing nothing. OR I am still busy, backlogged with mail, meetings, interviews, editing takes too long that once I get started, I just get tired.

And....theres one thing thats been on my mind for over a year now......
I honestly have a huge huge issue.

I hate the place I live.

I realized. Even though I am so busy, even though I am so backed up.

I have to come to terms with reality.

I hate the place I live.
It honestly depresses me.

I have talked about wanting to move, months after I moved in.
Theres too many problems with the current house. Its expensive, odd empty space in the middle of the house, not enough sunlight. I hate that so much. Even more, its on the first floor, meaning the cars blow dirt on the balcony, I can't hang laundry outside.....something I love doing.

I can't even plant a garden outside.
All I can think of inside my head is how amazing my place is gonna be in future. How I want to move into a nice place with a million windows.

I have stopped buying stuff.
I don't want to buy more.
I used to have a table but I got rid of it.
I hate my computer desk and I want to get rid of it.
Its small.
I bought it thinking it was so big, but when it arrived, it was so small.
My couch? It was softer in the store but its so hard. It is over 2 years old now and its still hard......I am so upset.

Anyways, I am the type of person who doesn't have much feeling to do much when I am in a place I am unhappy with. So I wanted to let you guys know that. It is so hard to want to make videos inside my house, because I always think "my next house in future will be better so what is the point to make these stupid videos now???"........bleh.

I am sorry if you guys notice this lack of energy and happiness in my current videos. It is seriously a struggle. To prevent this negative energy passed into my videos, I started to make videos less. I know that many people are counting on me to make more videos often, but I don't want to pump out terrible videos. So please be aware of this problem, and please know that I will try my best to make videos, even though there won't be videos daily.

We will get through these dark times.